Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
