Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
