96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I need a burrito and a hug.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
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