I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Hippo gnu deer
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
