He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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