You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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