I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
