i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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