I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
My vagina just recognized that song.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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