Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
