Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Randomize
