U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
