Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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