I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Someone stole a lamp last night.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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