I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
