come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
