Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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