You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
