Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
the room spins SO much faster in panama
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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