I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
there's paper in my vomit.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
