anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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