that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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