You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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