I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
