My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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