Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Michael Bay diarrhea
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
