do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
YAS. BRING CRAB.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
