I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
