$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
