yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
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