UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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