I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Randomize
