we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
