her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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