I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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