They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Randomize
