oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
there is glitter all over my balls
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