He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
