roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
