I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
