You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i came on her dog
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
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