I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
