peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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