Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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