i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
