I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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