I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
