By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
