I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
