Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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