the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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