I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
