You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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