I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
