I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize