Betty ford says i'm here all night
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
