Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
