hotel room ftw
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I am midnight drunk by noon
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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