You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Randomize
