Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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