Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
