I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
