a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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