So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize