I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
