Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
