dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
