Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
did i just pee glitter
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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