Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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