you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
