Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
