Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
