"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
