I showed him my bush... on skype.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize