eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
