it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Randomize
