I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
