She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
