I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I wish I only lived at night.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Randomize