Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
My balls are so social today.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
