I have demons in me.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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