You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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