chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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