My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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