u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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