i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
