I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
