I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
