dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
