i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
