it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
