I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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