I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i used baking grease as lip gloss
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
