We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Just high enough for therapy.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
