Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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