I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Randomize
