So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize