went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
