speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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