I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
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